What’s “Normal” for Women in Relationships & Identity?

By: Cree Jones, LMFT

*A Hilariously Honest Guide to Being Yourself While Everyone Wants Something From You*

Women don’t just “have relationships.”
They manage them like full-time project coordinators with no benefits, no lunch break, and absolutely no HR department.

Meanwhile, they’re also trying to figure out:

• who they are,

• what they want,

• who deserves access to them,

• what to cook for dinner,

• and why everyone keeps calling them the “strong one.”

Let’s unpack what’s actually normal for women navigating identity and relationships — because it’s a lot, and you deserve credit for surviving it with style.

1. Outgrowing People Is Normal — Even When You Still Love Them

Women evolve constantly.
Relationships… do not always keep up.

It’s normal to:

• love someone but outgrow the dynamic

• feel guilty for pulling back

• realize you’re the emotional labor department

• crave deeper connection as you grow

• not want the same friendships you did at 20

This isn’t betrayal.
It’s becoming the version of you who knows your worth.

2. Women Often Have to Be the “Strong One” — Even When They’re Tired

Women frequently become:

• the problem solver

• the therapist friend

• the planner

• the peacekeeper

• the glue

• the crisis-manager

• the “I’ll handle it” person

And it’s EXHAUSTING.

Feeling tired of being strong?
That’s not weakness.
That’s your humanity needing care, not pressure.

Strength shouldn’t be your identity —
it should be a tool you use, not the only one you’re allowed to have.

3. It’s Normal to Want Love, Independence, Space, and Closeness All at Once

Contrary to popular belief, women are not confusing.
We’re complex.

You can want:

• freedom

• commitment

• alone time

• affection

• independence

• reassurance

at the same time.

These aren’t contradictions.
These are needs created by a heart that feels deeply and a life full of expectations.

Your layered needs don’t make you dramatic —
they make you human.

4. Boundaries Feel Hard — But Wanting Them Is Normal

Many women struggle with:

• saying “no”

• setting limits

• prioritizing themselves

• dealing with guilt

• managing people who expect unlimited access to them

This is normal.
Women are trained to be accommodating.
Boundaries feel rebellious —
because for many women, they ARE.

But wanting boundaries means you’re finally choosing peace over pressure.
And that is a powerful shift.

5. Losing Yourself in a Relationship Happens — and Finding Yourself Again Is Normal Too

It’s common for women to:

• pour into partners

• center the relationship

• adjust, compromise, accommodate

• forget hobbies

• forget needs

• shrink to keep peace

And then wake up one day thinking,
“Wait… what do I even like?”

Don’t panic.
Identity isn’t lost — it’s buried under responsibility.
And you’re allowed to dig yourself back out.

6. Women Often Carry Emotional Memory for Everyone

Women remember:

• birthdays

• favorite foods

• how someone likes to be comforted

• who was upset last Tuesday

• childhood trauma patterns

• hints dropped in January

• the exact tone someone used during an argument in 2020

This is not mental clutter.
This is your relational intelligence —
your built-in archive system.
It’s beautiful, even when it’s heavy.

7. Wanting a Partner BUT Also Wanting Peace Is Normal

Women often fear:

• choosing wrong

• settling

• sacrificing themselves

• losing individuality

• repeating family patterns

These are not fears of weakness.
They are fears born from wisdom.

It’s normal to want:

• deep connection
  AND

• a soft life
  AND

• someone emotionally competent
  AND

• a partner who doesn’t leave all the “hard stuff” to you

This is not being picky.
This is being self-respecting.

A Final Word for Every Woman Navigating Identity and Love

You are not complicated.
You are layered.
You are not “too much.”
You are profoundly alive.
You are not losing yourself.
You are evolving.

Every shift in your relationships…
Every boundary you consider…
Every moment you choose yourself…
Every time you walk away from what drains you…
Every time you choose love that feels safe…

These are signs of growth —
not flaws.

Women don’t need to fit into relationships.
Relationships need to rise to meet the women we are becoming.