Becoming Without Apology Series

By: Cree Jones, LMFT

We are doing a 5-part series about becoming a more unapologetic you. We would love your insights and some of your answers to our blog questions with this series! This is a great time to reflect on yourself as well as bring some of these questions/answers back to your therapist.

Part 1: Secure Love Feels Boring Until You Heal

Many people don’t realize this until they experience it.
Healthy love can feel unfamiliar, even boring, when you are used to chaos.

If you grew up with inconsistency, emotional unpredictability, or relationships marked by highs and lows, your nervous system learned to associate intensity with connection. Passion felt like anxiety. Chemistry felt like uncertainty. Love felt like something you had to earn.

So when secure love shows up, steady, calm, predictable, it can feel flat.

But it is not boring.
It is regulated.

Secure love does not spike your adrenaline. It does not keep you guessing. It does not require performance. It feels safe enough to breathe.

Healing often involves retraining your body to tolerate peace. It means learning to stop confusing emotional intensity with intimacy and understanding that love can exist without urgency, fear, or emotional whiplash.

At first, that calm can feel unsettling.
Eventually, it feels like home.

Healing changes what you are attracted to.
And that is growth.

Reflection Questions – Part 1

• When you think about past relationships, what felt familiar to your body even if it wasn’t healthy?
• How do you usually interpret calm in relationships: as safety or as lack of interest?
• What emotions come up for you when things feel steady and predictable?
• In what ways might your nervous system still associate intensity with connection?
• What would it look like to let yourself adjust to peace instead of chasing excitement?