When to Quit a Relationship?
By: Jealisia Webster, MSW Intern
It would appear that the media are overflowing with advice pertaining to relationships. You can
find advice on how to keep and sustain a relationship, as well as how to attract the relationship
you want, on virtually any social networking platform or in any article. However, the question of
when to end a relationship is one that is rarely addressed in sufficient detail. When there is an
average of 20 people being physically assaulted by an intimate partner every minute, it may be
time to change the narrative. There are a lot of individuals who go into relationships without ever
detecting the warning signs in the beginning, and by the time they do notice them, they’ve
usually spent a lot of time and energy into the relationship, making it tough for them to get out of
it. Recognizing the warning signs early on and having the courage to walk away are essential
steps to take if you want to spare yourself the emotional anguish later on. Even though not all
warning signs indicate abuse, being aware of them could save you from having an experience of
lower quality. The common words used for this is red flags. Red flags are the warning signs that
indicate unhealthy patterns or behaviors. There are the more obvious signs like abuse or
aggression but some that aren’t so easy to pick up on are toxic behaviors that can be very subtle.
Here are 8 red flags to look for in relationships:
1. Frequent Lying
a. Noticing your partner consistent deceiving or getting caught in lies whether big or
small
2. Constant Put Downs
a. If your partner is constantly criticizing you or putting you down-This is a form of
emotional abuse and can negatively affect your self esteem. If you address this
behavior and your partner refuses to take responsibility or express willingness to
change…..RUN. Remember…..your feelings are valid!
3. Unwillingness to Compromise
a. If your partner isn’t willing to compromise it will make the relationship one sided
because you will be the one compromising. A healthy relationship considers the
needs and desires of one another.
4. Running Away from Difficult Discussions
a. It is perfectly normal to want to have the time and space to process negative
feelings during an argument or disagreement. However, discussing difficult
situations is necessary in every relationship and if your partner, even after having
time to process refuses to return to the discussion is a red flag. Effective
communication is a necessity in healthy relationships.
5. Controlling or Jealousy
a. Jealousy can lead to controlling behavior. Attempts to control typically start off
very subtly and then intensify. Your partner may start off with expressing
negative feelings about your friends, then it may progress to where he/she does
not want you to spend time with them. Finding yourself altering your behavior to
appease their jealousy is a sign of bigger issues to come.
6. Unhealthy Communication
a. Partners who often resort to passive-aggressiveness, blaming or negatively
expressing their emotions in an aggressive way is a red flag.
7. They have no Friends or Hobbies of Their Own
a. This indicates a lack of social skills. Partners who have no outlets outside of your
relationship could become clingy or possessive when it comes to your time and
may not want you to spend any time with your friends or doing your own thing.
8. They Fail to Show You Support
a. Failure to show support during any time in the relationship indicates a lack of
commitment. If you find that your partner is not so enthusiastic or shows no
interest in your endeavors or accomplishments it may be time to reevaluate the
relationship.
There are also yellow flags to consider when entering relationships. Yellow flags may not
necessarily be deal breakers however, they can lead to relationship problems in the future
Taking criticism poorly
Talking to their ex
A lack of long-term relationship experience
Fail to express their feelings
A lack of consistency in communication
Not being on the same page as your partner when it comes to defining the relationship
Flakiness
Not following through on plans